Daily Balks

1.) Canadian sports doctor Anthony Galea plead guilty to smuggling illegal performance enhancing drugs into the United States in front of U.S. District Judge Richard Arcara on wednesday morning. Galea, connected with high profile clients such as Alex Rodriguez and Tiger Woods, reportedly treated 20 professional athletes with the illegal substances during a span of two years starting in fall 2007. Looks like we are focusing on the wrong border -"The Monkey"


-In related news, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman was unsuccessful in his attempt to squeeze his way into the courtroom, citing his Canadian references as reasoning.  


2.) Sweden topped the American Women in the final group match of the 2011 Women's World Cup, resulting in the Yanks first group stage loss in their tournament history, inching ever closer to the men's 17. -USA Today. 


3.) Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley was given a $128 dollar fine for possession of marijuana after a traffic stop in Minnetonka, Minnesota. Surprisingly, Beasley was a bit concerned with the fine, realizing the upcoming lockout will have a bigger impact on his life than he even thought: "When I was making bank, these stops were nothing; but now that I'm not making money for at least a year, I can only afford like, maybe 1, 2, stops a month. It's hard." When asked how he would reduce cost this summer, Beasley responded: "Buy in bulk." -The Minnesotan 


4.) Professional eating champion Takeru Kobayashi was banned from competing at the annual Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Championships on Coney Island because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating, the sponsor of the event. However, Kobayashi held his own competition in Manhattan, consuming 69 Hot Dogs in 12 minutes, breaking the world record of 68 and topping 2011 champion Joey Chesnut's 62. However, because of Kobayashi's refusal to sign a contract, the number is not considered a world record and is not endorsed by the world eating board. Erik the Red Denmark, Crazy Legs Conti, and Allen Goldstein, three good friends of Kobayashi were some of the many eaters sharing their displeasure with the league. With his absence, Kobayashi's roasted pork bun world record seems to be very much in doubt as MLE has been speaking with lawyers to see how to remove (or asterisk) all of his world records: "We have a problem in eating, we eat too much [...] but I will not allow anyone to eat unsigned [...] it just taints this great American pastime." -Internet Blog (why would this ever be in a legitimate publication?) (Oops).


Update 7:05 P.M. MLE is looking at a possible lockout for the 2011-12 eating season. 


5a.) In another example of strong priority and economic management, The United States' Federal Court has begun the Roger Clemens trial. -G.O.P. Today


5b.) In another example of strong priority and economic management, the previous article was constructed. -The DNC 


6.) Brett Favre has told close friends that he intends to come out of retirement in 2011, citing the revealing of a new "relaxed boot" Wranglers jeans. -Somewhere in Mississippi.