Nightly News

A few extra stories that have developed as of late:

1.) Serena and Venus Williams have both lost in the round of 16 at the Wimbledon Championships, alluding to a family party back in the United States. According to mother Oracene Williams, Serena still needs to inflate the falu red balloons for the centerpiece, citing the need to "save some oxygen."  When asked about the occasion, Serena told reporters that it was a celebration for Venus' Wimbledon championship. Venus could not be reached for further comment. -NY Times.

2.) Former North Carolina State Quarterback Russell Wilson has confirmed a transfer to the University of Wisconsin to continue his college football career. Drafted by the Colorado Rockies to play baseball, Wilson was squeezed out of the starting Quarterback job by Mike Glennon, a graduate student from Virginia. Because Wilson already graduated he won't have to sit out a year, per NCAA regulations.  According to a FCSL exclusive report, teammates considered Wilson to be "way too good to be playing with us," creating a rift between the bad (the whole team) and the good (Wilson) players in the locker-room.  With this skillful reputation, Wilson decided to become the first athlete ever to attend a Big Ten school.
-In related news, Wisconsin has 97 tattoo parlors. -The Columbus Dispatch.

3.) Rory McIlroy has decided to end his United States golf career after winning the U.S. open saying he doesn't think he can handle the pressures of becoming a role model to American children, opting for the famously ambiguous moral standards of Europe. When learning about this news, Golf Channel Anchor Kelly Tilghman saddenly remarked, "And he was just starting to remind me of Tiger." -Belfast Telegraph


4.) Anaheim Mayor Tom Tait has sued the city of Los Angeles for copyright infringement on behalf of the Los 
Angeles Angels of Anaheim, as the club undergoes an identity crisis -LA Times


5.) The New York Islanders had a league low average attendance of 11,059 for the past year.  They tweeted   14,475 times. #priorities  -FCSL


-In related news, in a recent interview with TSN, Sidney Crosby revealed the reason he missed the majority of the 2010-2011 season with a concussion was to rest up in order to shed the "soft" label in 2011-2012. - TSN


-Update 9:33 P.M.:
According to previous reports, this season will not occur.


6.) According to reports by ESPN "Bracketologist" Joe Lundari, Oregon State is number one on the list of the Bottom Ten Easiest college basketball non-conference schedulers.  When pressed about this issue Oregon State's AD Bob De Carolis admitted: "I'm not surprised, why would anyone want to come play in Oregon?" -BeaverNation.


7.) In the most recent 2011 NBA draft, Arizona's Derrick Williams was taken second overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves. Confused, Williams called Kevin Love and asked if he would "still need to buy Right Guard in order to get Love" in the Shower.  When asked to clarify the previous statement, Williams told the Associated Press that he was switching to Old Spice.  No word from the Old Spice Guy. -AP


8.) After dropping its Geography major, TCU accepted a bid to join the Big East for the 2012-13 season. -FCSL.


9.) The NCAA is in talks about implementing a new rule for the 2011-12 Softball season. Teams will now have the opportunity to choose a penalty if a player leaves a base before the pitcher releases the ball.  Included among these penalties is an immediate end to the game so we can all go watch real baseball. 


-In related news, softball legend Jennie Finch and former MLB reliever Casey Daigle are the proud parents of their second child; Diesel, after feeling bad about the pressure put on their first son, Ace...
-Are you kidding me?- Momma Finch.


10.) The BET Awards were hosted over the weekend. Or, in layman's terms, the award show that makes every athlete question why he "didn't become a musician". -Justin Bieber at the NBA Celebrity Game.