Afternoon Balks

1.) The nationals are now 0-3 under new manager Davey Johnson. When asked if there was cause for concern, third basemen Ryan Zimmerman shook away the notion: "We're back to our regular old ways of losing....everything's back to normal." -Washington Post via @diogo1522

2.) The Detroit Tigers and Cleveland Indians are currently tied for first place in the AL Central, in a riveting race between the two most depressing cities in America. -Kansas City Royals Fan via @diogo1522.

3.) In a disturbing continuation of our "Plank: The Athletes" series, Falcons Rookie Linebacker Akeem Dent was pictured planking on a police car and said this on twitter: “Im against all this #plankin but when u plankin on a police car u get mad respect!!!! Aint nobody gpnna top that” [...]“All I can say is #plankin to the max!!! Yes the man let us do it.” -Sportingnews72

Update 3:29 P.M.: Gilbert Arenas was found planking on top of a gun with a sign that read: "Plank this." Topped.

4.) Professional Golfer Sean O'Hair returns to the Aronimink Golf Club in Newtown Square, PA for this weekend's AT&T national, one year after becoming the first athlete to check for cancerous tumors on the golf course. With the most precise of skill, O'Hair hit an errant shot last year that struck Philadelphia native Chris Logan in the head, leading to the discovery of a malignant tumor on his neck. Logan is now cancer free and recently met O'Hair at the course.  The Philadelphia County Medical Society plans to vacation to the course this weekend for tips on prodcedural examinations. FCSL could not get an interview with O'Hair because it was considered too dangerous to be within 50 feet of him. -Daily News.

5.) Michael Jordan's love letter to a girl in high school was recently released to the public, putting to rest the debate over who really is the best ever: "How are you and your family doing, fine I hope. I am in my Adv. Chemistry class writing you a letter, so that tell you how much I care for you. … I want you to know that my feeling for you has not change yet. ← (joke) I am finally getting use to going with a girl much smaller than I. I hope you my hint. Well I have spent my time very wisely by write to you. I hope you write back soon. Well I must go, the period is almost over. See you next time around, which I hope comes soon." -Sportsnews72

Update 2:49 P.M.: Lebron James also released a letter to the public: "L." -via Jason Terry's NBA trophy tattoo.

BONUS Headline:
Via ESPN.com, "Ochocinco thinks Cincy's seen last of Palmer." Reports remind ESPN of the city's lack of eyes. -FCSL exclusive report.

Wild Thing's Juice

Actor Charlie Sheen admitted to taking steroids for "like six or eight weeks" on Thursday afternoon in preparation for the filming of Major League in 1989. Portraying Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn, a pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, Sheen was aiming to get his fastball from just about 79 mph to 85 mph because the difference is extremely noticeable on the big screen. A shocked Jonathan Mariner, Executive Vice President of Major League Baseball released the following statement: "Mr. Sheen underwent all of the steroid tests and passed all of them. I am at a loss for words. Baseball is a clean sport. I promise."

However, FCSL was able to acquire documents indicting other members of that famed Indians squad, including slugger Wesley Snipes (Willie Mays Hayes), catcher Tom Berenger (Jake Taylor), and pitcher Chelcie Ross (Eddie Harris).

With these new allegations, the Supreme Court has issued subpoenas to Snipes and Ross for the use of performance enhancing drugs in shows and movies such as Prison Break, The Sopranos, Blade, White Men Can't Jump (obvious implications here), Demolition Man, Unstoppable, Blade II, Game of Death, and Grey's Anatomy.

Sheen's use in the '89 season puts a lot of questions in the minds of fans regarding players such as the Giants' Kevin Mitchell and his 47 homeruns.  However, Sheen makes clear that he is done using steriods and although they increased his performance, they decreased his sex-drive and "made [Sheen] a bit more irritable than normal."  -ESPN.com

-In related news, since Sheen stopped using steroids, his sex drive has increase #winning.  -TMZ

Lockouts

A new CBA agreement looks grim for the NBA before Thursday night's midnight deadline, forcing the NBA into a lockout, the second major sports league taking this action after the NFL first was locked out in March.  You'd think someone would have found a key by now. -NY Times

Update 9:13 A.M.: NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has just been found locked out of his New York office, in a perceived attempt to garner news coverage.

Contributing Columnist Diogo Dutcher's Evening Balks

1.) The United States Men's National Team head coach Bob Bradley is working with lawyers to provide a
contract clause in case of resignation or termination from the soccer association.  James Hurst, J.D. from the law offices of Hurst & Thompson located in Bradenton, FL, the active lawyer in these
proceedings, released the following statement: "Mr. Bradley still wishes to be included on the parent email
list, enabling him to be a part of the committee providing halftime and post-game treats; such as Gatorade,
orange slices, fruit roll-ups, and goldfish; notwithstanding of his position with the team, as long as his son
Michael [Midfielder] remains on the team."  Sources say that the deal is contingent on the father-son combo
maintaining their baldness. -Sam's Army.


2.) Tiger woods took on his first sponsorship post Nike, a heat vapor rub called Vantelin Kowa first
produced by the Kowa Company Ltd. of Japan in February 2010. There has long been a FDA mandate against the use of these rubs in the United States. However, if used, infidelity was listed as the most common side effect. -US Federal Trade Commission.


3.) Roger Federer was undefeated when holding a 2 set lead in a Grand Slam until Wednesday afternoon,
falling to Frenchman Jo-Wi [FCSL exclusive naming rights] in 5 sets. Jo-Wi will now always be remembered
as "that one guy who broke Roger Federer's record of winning every match when holding a two set lead in a
Grand Slam," which means we will probably only see Jo-Wi's name again as the answer to a trivia question in between sets of the 2031 Wimbledon Tournament [why did we buy these naming rights?] -Berries and
Cream Dessert.




Walk-off Balk from contriubtor Scott Hakim:


-Kulsoom Abdullah, a Muslim Weightlifter from Atlanta, Georgia, has won the battle against the Malaysian
International Weightlifting Federation, successfully enabling her to observe female Muslim dress code while
competing. The Federeation is allowing all athletes to wear a "one piece full body tight fitted 'unitard' under
the compulsory weightlifting costume" that will still allow judges to see whether the knees and elbows are
locked for a successful lift. According to New York costume designer Fabio Toblini, early indications reveal
he satin-blue, jeweled chiffon collar to be the unitard of choice for most participants.
Update 9:30 P.M.: Toblini plans to reveal his vaunted "Halloween" collection in the fall. 

Afternoon Balks

1.) Due to the previously reported trade of their seats for fans, the Florida Marlins just completed a 3 game home series 2,734 miles away in Seattle. I guess Tampa Bay was taken. -Confused fan who showed up to watch the game in Miami.

2.) Due mostly to his cool name, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga came from 2 sets down to upset Roger Federer in the Quarterfinals of Wimbledon. Jo-Wi, as FCSL will hereby refer to him, is the 12th seeded player in the world after a strong showing in the 2008 Australian Open. FCSL likes him to become the next superstar in Tennis... unless, of course, he realizes he is French (or that he plays Tennis). -Napoleon, the last relevant Frenchman
Update 2:50 P.M.: Oh, wait....

3.) Eight players were suspended from Mexico's Copa America soccer team on Wednesday, citing female guests in their hotel rooms. At least they were actually women -Ronaldo (Brazil: refer here)

4.) As the exclusive provider of Kansas City Royals news, FCSL is the first to break the story that the Kansas City Royals are currently playing the San Diego Padres -FCSL exclusive report ($).

5.) In an effort to compete with the coverage of the NBA draft last Thursday, the Philadelphia Flyers traded Jeff Carter to the Columbus Blue Jackets and Mike Richards to the Los Angeles Kings, dealing their two top paid and leading point getters for the past half decade.  When they realized the ploy didn't work, the Flyers feverishly tried to reacquire the two players.  Failing, they decided to sign a 31 year old goalie for 9 years. -A laughing  37 year old Tim Thomas.

New Contributing Columnist

We are pleased to welcome new contributing columnist Diogo Dutcher to FCSL. He will be doing daily and weekly posts about all things irrelevant in sports.

Morning Balks June 29th, 2011

The Morning Newsroom on This Wednesday Morning, the 29th of June.

1.) The South Carolina Gamecocks won the College World Series for the second consecutive year proving that you can win with a dumb nickname -A hopeful UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

2.) TMZ reports that Reggie Bush is dating a Kim Kardashian look alike. Ironic, because Kim Kardashian is dating an NBA player look-alike.
-Update 10:49 A.M.: The look alike is actually a Kris Humphries, a player on the New Jersey Nets
-Update 10:50 A.M.: We stand by our initial report  -@Diogo1522 (new contributing columnist)

3.) Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee threw a complete game 2-hit shutout against the Boston Red Sox on Tuesday Evening. The start was especially impressive considering the potent offense of the Red Sox. In order to try and combat rookie Vance Worley on Wednesday, the Red Sox have decided to forgo the first base position, inserting David Ortiz into the lineup -Philadelphia Daily News

4.) ESPN.com reports that the MLB will "'probably' try taking Dodgers." This conviction has led to an increase in Dee Gordon replica crew cuts -Sally Hershberger, Hairstylist to the stars.

5.) The University of Georgia has notified the NCAA about concerns over the eligibility of two athletes.
-In related news, the NCAA was unable to find records confirming that this was a real university. -NCAA.com

BREAKING NEWS: NFLPA and NFL Owners Agree to New CBA

After over 100 days of a labor lockout, the NFL and its players have agreed to a new 12 year collective bargaining agreement.  Overcoming the difficult issue of how to split up over 9 billion dollars in revenue (estimated to at least double in the next half decade), this is a monumental decision for the most popular sports league in the United States. The deal, including the widely reported rookie wage scale, expanded training camp rosters, and clause to add 2 games to the schedule starting in 2014 if the revenue surpasses 14 billion dollars, was agreed upon Wednesday morning in an undisclosed location right outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Executive Director of the Players, DeMaurice Smith, and former center and current NFLPA President Kevin Mawae held a joint news conference with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to announce the agreement.

Opting not to disclose the entire agreement, Smith outlined the favorable clauses given to the players. Smith celebrated not only receiving 48% of the revenue share, but also getting the opportunity to see the midnight showing of Transformers before signing the final papers.  According to the AP, Goodell was also seen at the theater  leading some to speculate the imminent signing of the deal.  Other player's clauses included a new 14 day vacation list, allowed tweeting during games, no pads during weekly practices, and full access to stadium vendors after each game. Said one unnamed AFC North Lineman, "We get paid AND get free food? Are you kidding me?"

Dallas Cowboys' Owner Jerry Jones called the deal "groundbreaking," comparing it favorably to the new Cowboys Stadium constructed two years ago: "This deal is like the paper version of my stadium; lavish, unnecessary, and filled with a lot of things that have nothing to do with football." Perhaps a bit more owner friendly than most anticipated, clauses have been added to help ensure owners of franchises more flexibility in the upcoming seasons. One such rule, tabbed the "JJ Rule" named after the aforementioned Jones, requires all NFL teams to interview at least one billionaire coaching candidate, aimed towards combating the highly successful, but extremely unionized "Rooney Rule" that makes each NFL team interview one minority candidate. Said Jones, "Did you see how long that took for us to deal with millionaires? We need to hire more billionaires. This is a business [...] we don't have time to kick it with a bunch of low upper class former athletes who only care about winning."

Sources say that the deal came together at about 8:40 A.M. when former NFL QB and current ESPN analyst Trent Dilfer made a spearheading proposal. According to NFC South General Manager, Dilfer proposed to get rid of kickers, saying the cut down salary will "increase total revenue opportunities" and allow for a more "exciting and athletic game." Upon proposal of this deal, the General Manager claimed that the entire room starting yelling and celebrating, realizing the move was the final piece needed to come to an agreement. This is good news for Ndamukong Suh, Chad Ochocinco, and Wes Welker, three position players who attempted field goals or extra point attempts in the last two years. Jay Feely, the most vocal of NFL kickers called the move "souring," adding that "we [kickers] fooled them [fans] for all these years into thinking that we were real athletes, it is just a shame that this ride is over." When asked what he will do now that he has no other opportunity for a football career, Feely said that he has received a contract offer to join the Professional Bowlers Association.

After months of tumultuous off the field incidents, this is welcome news for the NFL and its players. Now athletes like Ochocinco, Tom Zibikowski, and Marcedes Lewis will have to give up their summer soccer or fighting careers to focus on acclimating back to the game. The big question on the mind of fans, however, is the readiness of many of the players. According to New York Giants Offensive Lineman Shawn Andrews' official Twitter page, he will be one of the many players having issues getting used to the rigors of the game: "I have tried EVERY Flavor of Pringles & None Of Em Quench My Appetite for That Crunch Like A Dorito.. Doritos Are A Drug."

Enduring a difficult few months, Commissioner Roger Goodell said that he is relieved to have all this behind him: "I haven't slept in two days, but it was worth it. All I could think of was the fans. We need to get this done for the fans. But I definitely needed to make sure we did everything possible to acquire as much currency as possible. Listen, fining James Harrison every game can only get us so much cash, we needed this deal." When asked about the relationship between Owners and players, Goodell remained cautiously optimistic: "It's nothing a few Buds and a performance bonus can't fix."


The NFL will officially release the CBA next week, but will proceed with the free agency period immediately. This is bad news for the Carolina Panthers who had hoped to remain invisible for another year. Per Carolina Panthers' President Danny Morrison, "I'd pay more money to see Disney on Ice than our sodden franchise." No Carolina Panthers fans could be found for comment.

UPDATE 9:30 A.M.
In a stunning addition to the new CBA, the NFL has announced that the Buffalo Bills, Jacksonville Jaguars, San Diego Chargers and Minnesota Vikings will be relocated to Tiajuana to form the new Los Angeles Division of Mexico. Reports from Los Angeles Chairman of Commerce Joseph Czyzyk say that the deal was made after the city lost its funding for the new projected stadium. "The NFL needs to be in this great city, and we couldn't let a stupid stadium stand in our way."  But why the move to Tiajuana? Czyzyk calls it a "win-win" for the American people. "Listen, I know Los Angeles is a spanish name, but c'mon, there are way too many Mexicans living here and taking all of our jobs. We trick them into working for these new teams, get cheap labor to build the stadiums and then never let them back in." When asked about the players on these franchises, Czyzyk claimed that they will have a great life in Mexico playing against themselves: "It's a dream scenario, getting paid to stare at San Diego." Fans of these franchises could also not be reached.

UPDATE: 10:17 A.M.
The NHL has announced a lockout for the 2011-12 after seeing the successful model of the NFL.

Coming Soon!

Coming soon, Contributing Columnist Ian M Shepherd will compile the angry letters sent in by fans in the new segment: "Letters from an angry fan."

Evening Balk

The World Cup game between the United States and North Korea ended today in a 2-0 USA win. However, reports out of North Korea have the game ending in a 0-0 draw.  According to one unnamed paid North Korean observer, "the TV shut off in the 53rd minute."

-In an update to the previous report, all fans, advertisements, and the other team were blurred out to ensure North Korea still had full control of the broadcast. 

Daily Balks, June 28th, 2011

Welcome to the Daily Newsroom for this Tuesday, June 28th, 2011.

Below are the top stories in FCSL:

1.) Mexico overcame a 2-0 deficit against the Americans to win the gold cup final 4-2 Saturday evening in Pasadena, California. Man of the Match Giovanni Dos Santos gave a lot of credit to the CONCACAF governing body for scheduling the game in a dense Mexican metropolitan center. "I give a lot of credit to the United State's wavering stance on illegal immigration. I used to have to buy tickets for all my friends, but now, not only can they buy their own tickets, but also supply the whole team with narcotics." Perhaps trying to thwart the spread of capitalism and democracy, CONCACAF scheduled the United States to play Canada in Detroit, Panama in Tampa Bay, and Mexico in Pasadena.  When asked about this seemingly unfair set of circumstances for the United States, United States' captain Carlos Bocanegra blushed and admitted, "my parents are Mexican." Ole!

-In related news, Bob Bradley was busted for narcotics after he was seen inserting United States defenseman Jonathan Bornstein into the match against Mexico.

2.) On Monday afternoon, Philadelphia Phillies' shortstop Jimmy Rollins attempted to set a Guinness World Record by hitting a ball farther than anyone in history at the Red Bull challenge (honor is officially given to Babe Ruth at 575 feet based on unofficial estimates).  Using a scientifically altered bat and ball, claimed to have the power to add the most distance to a hit, Rollins attempted to hit the ball down Ben Franklin Parkway towards the famed Art Museum.  Unfortunately, Rollins was only able to hit the ball a mere 463 feet, disappointing the many fans who showed up to watch. In the future Red Bull plans to acquire an actual hitter to attempt the challenge. Plans are already underway to create a replica Jimmy Rollins, which is expected to be completed in time for the challenge next summer. -Philadelphia Inquirer

3.) Orlando Magic Guard Gilbert Arenas recently uploaded pictures of himself "planking" at practice and in the weight room.  This is welcome news for Magic fans as no guns were seen in the pictures. -Javaris Crittenton.

4.) In preparation for the NBA, Jimmer Fredette admitted to dropping 40 points at a local jail. The NBA was unable to announce his next opponent. Schedules will be released in July -NBA Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver

5.) The Washington Officials Association and the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association are being sued by a group of Washington state referees over the use of pink whistles during a charity campaign.  Suspended from playoff games, the referees claimed that the bylaws were put in place after the referees first used the whistles. The issue will be brought to court late next week and the prosecution seeks to force the referees to use blue whistles instead. -Seattle Intelligencer
-In related news, Washington was 0-12 and Washington state was 1-11 in 2009. Whistles? Really?

6.) Reaffirming their importance in England, Prince William and his newly wedded Wife Kate Middleton were seen at Wimbledon watching tennis... all day. -Lifetime Special

7.) With only 8 scholarship players for the 2011-12 basketball season, Georgia Tech will be awful. -Anonymous.

8.) Aiming to provide the best role model for the NFL rookie symposium, the NFL has tabbed wide reciever Plaxico Burress, rumored to discuss proper gun placement and jean looseness.
-In a related story, the rookies plan to go on strike next week to counteract the NFL's proposed rookie wage scale.  Rookie Player's Association President Cameron Newton could not be reached for comment, but sources say his parents were still: "do[ing] a lot of things behind the scenes that go unnoticed." -@ochocinco.


9.) Struggling with intense mediocrity in their pitching staff, the Kansas City Royals have decided to go with a 6 man pitching rotation rather than sending rookie Danny Duff down to the minors, with Kyle Davies returning from injury. There really isn't a story here, but the Royals have paid FCSL to be included in a relevant sports article. -FCSL exclusive report.


10.) Google is undergoing talks with the new PAC-12 to sponsor a new television deal that would allow google to watch you watching the PAC-12. -Apple, the other possible sponsor. 

Nightly News

A few extra stories that have developed as of late:

1.) Serena and Venus Williams have both lost in the round of 16 at the Wimbledon Championships, alluding to a family party back in the United States. According to mother Oracene Williams, Serena still needs to inflate the falu red balloons for the centerpiece, citing the need to "save some oxygen."  When asked about the occasion, Serena told reporters that it was a celebration for Venus' Wimbledon championship. Venus could not be reached for further comment. -NY Times.

2.) Former North Carolina State Quarterback Russell Wilson has confirmed a transfer to the University of Wisconsin to continue his college football career. Drafted by the Colorado Rockies to play baseball, Wilson was squeezed out of the starting Quarterback job by Mike Glennon, a graduate student from Virginia. Because Wilson already graduated he won't have to sit out a year, per NCAA regulations.  According to a FCSL exclusive report, teammates considered Wilson to be "way too good to be playing with us," creating a rift between the bad (the whole team) and the good (Wilson) players in the locker-room.  With this skillful reputation, Wilson decided to become the first athlete ever to attend a Big Ten school.
-In related news, Wisconsin has 97 tattoo parlors. -The Columbus Dispatch.

3.) Rory McIlroy has decided to end his United States golf career after winning the U.S. open saying he doesn't think he can handle the pressures of becoming a role model to American children, opting for the famously ambiguous moral standards of Europe. When learning about this news, Golf Channel Anchor Kelly Tilghman saddenly remarked, "And he was just starting to remind me of Tiger." -Belfast Telegraph


4.) Anaheim Mayor Tom Tait has sued the city of Los Angeles for copyright infringement on behalf of the Los 
Angeles Angels of Anaheim, as the club undergoes an identity crisis -LA Times


5.) The New York Islanders had a league low average attendance of 11,059 for the past year.  They tweeted   14,475 times. #priorities  -FCSL


-In related news, in a recent interview with TSN, Sidney Crosby revealed the reason he missed the majority of the 2010-2011 season with a concussion was to rest up in order to shed the "soft" label in 2011-2012. - TSN


-Update 9:33 P.M.:
According to previous reports, this season will not occur.


6.) According to reports by ESPN "Bracketologist" Joe Lundari, Oregon State is number one on the list of the Bottom Ten Easiest college basketball non-conference schedulers.  When pressed about this issue Oregon State's AD Bob De Carolis admitted: "I'm not surprised, why would anyone want to come play in Oregon?" -BeaverNation.


7.) In the most recent 2011 NBA draft, Arizona's Derrick Williams was taken second overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves. Confused, Williams called Kevin Love and asked if he would "still need to buy Right Guard in order to get Love" in the Shower.  When asked to clarify the previous statement, Williams told the Associated Press that he was switching to Old Spice.  No word from the Old Spice Guy. -AP


8.) After dropping its Geography major, TCU accepted a bid to join the Big East for the 2012-13 season. -FCSL.


9.) The NCAA is in talks about implementing a new rule for the 2011-12 Softball season. Teams will now have the opportunity to choose a penalty if a player leaves a base before the pitcher releases the ball.  Included among these penalties is an immediate end to the game so we can all go watch real baseball. 


-In related news, softball legend Jennie Finch and former MLB reliever Casey Daigle are the proud parents of their second child; Diesel, after feeling bad about the pressure put on their first son, Ace...
-Are you kidding me?- Momma Finch.


10.) The BET Awards were hosted over the weekend. Or, in layman's terms, the award show that makes every athlete question why he "didn't become a musician". -Justin Bieber at the NBA Celebrity Game.  

Daily Balks, June 27th, 2011

Welcome to the newsroom on this Monday, June 27th, 2011.

Top Stories:

1.) In a stunning announcement, Florida Marlins CEO Jeffrey Loria has announced the purchase of Sun Life Stadium from real estate shark Stephen Ross, foregoing the city's planned construction of Miami Ballpark.  FCSL has been informed that Loria has agreed in principle to trade the empty orange seats to the Boston Red Sox for fans on their season ticket waiting list. According to reports, the Red Sox offered this trade to "add a contrasting color to the red and green landscape of the grounds," adding that they have a healthy relationship of trading with the Marlins: "We gave them Hanley [Ramirez] for Pete's sake, you'd think they would throw us a bone here."
When asked about this move Loria declined to comment on motive, but added he is excited to meet all of the 7,000 waiting listees aquired, all of whom are hoped to help fill the southwest corner of the now seat-less stadium. "It will be like a party atmosphere," Loria told the FCSL, "I have always dreamed of having a lot of compassionate, displaced fans trying to latch onto a young and up and coming team."
Speculation is that Loria became nervous about the turquoise colored seats that the new Miami Ballpark was scheduled to build, and, having received this offer from the Red Sox it was a no brainer.
The Red Sox will also send the Fenway Shell gas station located behind gate B and future cash considerations to the Marlins, while the Marlins have agreed to give Boston residents a free Double-Double from Fatburger.

Update: 10:34 A.M.
Breaking news into FCSL: The move seems more peculiar on Loria's part as he has now admitted to being color blind.

2.) Lebron James has decided not to decide anything anymore. -Delonte West via Mrs. James.

3.) Over 70,000 fans showed up to Germany's opening match against Canada in the 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup, a European attendance record for a game involving women.  However, FCSL spoke to an outraged  Wesley Sneijder who reminded the federation of the 84,490 who watched the Dutch take on the "damiselas" from Spain in the 2010 World Cup Final. Notwithstanding, the German fans showed their indifference with a stunning rendition of the Mexican wave. -De Pers

4.) Argentinian powerhouse River Plate has scheduled a year-long vacation to Nacional B, the first move in the club's 110 year history. In response, the fans decided to begin renovations of Estadio Monumental Antonio Vespucio Liberti. Even the police decided to get involved as they hosed down the field and surrounding stands. -FCSL

5.) In an attempt to get back into the national spotlight, Terrell Owens went to the famed Dr. James Andrews and had his ACL surgically torn... and then repaired. His recovery time was not released due to the longevity of stories involving athletes whose recoveries are unreleased- Reuters.

6.) John Calipari's two year extension from Kentucky, upping his contract to 120k per game, has created a public outcry among Kentuckians. Dorris Kamila, a Packaging and Filling Machine Operator, and mother of 4 current UK boys, has to deal with the struggle of trying to put her children through college on a limited budget: "I have to pay 80k for each of my children to graduate from UK and this nice-dressed man from them Yanks [Pittsburgh] gets to make more than that each game? None of them players are from Kentucky anyways."  Calipari could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was last seen at the bank. -Lexington Herald-Leader

7.) Bundy wins the 14th annual "Beggin Strips" Bowl Championship Series Dog Agility Race in Buttonwillow, California.  After the race there was a peaceful protest. -PETA

8.) Reports out of the NHL say that realignment is 100% for the 2012-2013 season. Commissioner Gary Bettman is aiming to lock out the 2011-2012 season in order to extend the NHL's relevance in the news.

Update 11:35 A.M.: The 5 remaining Atlanta Thrashers fans have burned a bar stool in Winnipeg. Authorities are confused as to how the fans found the city. -NHL.com

9.) In order to get on the nerves of MLB commissioner Allan Huber "Bud" Selig (Bud, really?), Frank and Jamie McCourt decide to not get divorced. In related news, they still have no money. -LA Times

10.) After 110 laps a car was in front of the other cars and won a race in front of lots of people.

      - A description of a race from a die-hard NASCAR fan.

Thank you for reading the Daily Newsroom. Please come back for more exciting news!

If you are interested in contributing to the column send an email to: scohak1236@gmail.com